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Collecting Brooms for the Broom Dungeon

There are certain types of games that bring out a… special side in some of us. This side terrorizes the speed runner and quest completer. They are the long-dreaded hoarder. The lingerer, the I-have-to-open-every-box-and-chester. Characterized by an overflowing inventory and systematic looting, the hoarder can be easily identified by such iconic phrases as, “I might need it later!”

Some of you are already groaning. Your eye’s twitching and you’re having flashbacks to that friend with the full inventory who refused to move until someone else in the party picked up the broom that absolutely could not be left behind. And some of you are hoping that I’ll provide tips and tricks for more efficient collecting or a discord link to a hoarder’s LFG channel. Let’s start with my own personal road to over encumbered.

It started out innocently enough, with a house in Balmora. This house, you see, was too dark. And so it needed lights, all the lights. Blue lamps, blue candles, silver candelabras, green candles, red candles (but never mixed with the blue ones). There was no light source un-pilfered. Funnily enough my character had a very high sneak skill. That eye stayed shut dammit.

This habit, while perfectly sustainable with untold hours in Morrowind, caused some friction when carried over to co-op and multiplayer games. My friends would just wander off without me, leaving perfectly good items behind.

“That bucket sells for two gold pieces! Why are you leaving money behind?”

“What do you mean you’ve already completed the quest? I haven’t finished looting the first floor!”

“There are potions on that table. Don’t you need those?!”

“You’re injured? Well you’d be able to heal yourself if you’d picked up those potions. Here, have 23 cheese wheels.”

Believe it or not I understand the difficulty of playing with someone like me. We’re slow, constantly bitching about a lack of inventory space, and get irritated with you when you just want to go fight the boss. But there’s a silver lining to our madness that often goes unappreciated.

We have money. Lots of money. While you were talking to those six quest givers planning our next steps, I finally sold those 35 buckets and can now pay for that armor upgrade you’ve been wanting.

We’re prepared, the effing boy scouts of video games. My inventory is the Mary Poppins carpet bag of mom purses. I’m the Oprah of potions. You get a potion, you get a potion, the whole party gets a potion! Yes I know they’re the basic cheap ones you can steal from the starting village, but if you shut up and drink five of them it’ll still get you to the same place. And when you decide to re-class from archer to tank at level 35 I have a full set of legendaries waiting for you in my bank vault.

I told you we might need them later.

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